Last night I had my once a week speech class. It wasn't the greatest class--let's just say that after class, I cried for 45 minutes straight. No, this isn't going to be a replica of the previous post. Let me tell you why I was crying. I have had many classes at Westminster that have really tried my way of thinking and my beliefs and have made me upset, but I have NEVER had a class that has made me so angry as my speech class. It sounds silly, but I have come home a few times from that class feeling like I could cry because I don't understand the way people think sometimes... I don't know if that makes sense. Last night, and every night we have that class it seems, Mormons are the topic of the class. As far as I can tell, I am the only LDS person in that class. Everyone else, I'm now convinced, hates my religion. Last night in this class comments were made ridiculing everything that "Mormon people do". It was said that "Mormons" aren't good communicators, that we are annoying because we are up in everyones face, that we are boring, that they can't wait until we are the minority here in Utah... I can't even recall all of what was said--it was an enormous amount. The teacher, who says he is Mormon--who also says he will rejoice when Mormons are the minority, agrees with all of the comments, and uses VERY profane language--provokes the topic. He LOVES making fun of LDS members. Loves it. So, switch to me. I'm sitting in my chair listening to all of this conversation--I'm stunned. I'm feeling as though all of my efforts to be friendly and talk to people about what I believe are in vain. I felt the blood boiling in my veins and my hands were literally shaking. One reason I was so upset is because when Mormons aren't being discussed in that class, we are discussing the importance of being kind to everyone and accepting all different people, but as soon as "The Mormons" are brought up, all of that talk seems to disappear. Ok so here is another frustration. I'm usually pretty good at standing against a crowd to tell them what I think or believe. For some reason, I couldn't do it last night. I wanted to so badly, but I was worried that if I started talking I would get too upset, or I would just start crying right there--and goodness I didn't want that. I also felt that I might be attacked by the whole class, and I wasn't sure if I could handle it. That kind of upset me. Basically, I got my feelings hurt over and over again last night. Maybe it is because I respect any religion that is out there. I might not agree with everything they do, and I might not believe what they practice, but I will respect what somebody believes because I would want the same respect in return. Who am I to tell someone what they do or do not believe? Anyways...imagine three hours of ridicule. It's not what I would call exactly fun. I got into my car to go home. As soon as the door shut on me, I cried. I cried to release my anger, frustration and hurt. I sobbed the whole way home and for quite a while when I got home. My husband and I had a long talk about it all, and I eventually felt better.
This is the thing--even though it is so upsetting for me to be in that class sometimes--and even though I will dread going to class every week, I am grateful to be there. It has made my testimony stronger. Funny how that works. I'm in a class full of opposition, but it reminds me that I really DO believe everything I have been taught. What a great feeling.
Now, I'm just trying to build up the courage to say something in class next week. I feel somewhat ashamed because I don't think anyone knows I'm Mormon because I haven't said anything. I think I need to speak up. I need to rid myself of this speech anxiety.
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8 comments:
Christa, you are stronger and much more brave than you think. I think that would be a difficult situation for anyone, and it is great that you were upset by the things that were said, it sounds like that was the right reaction. I, like you, would probably burst into sobs if I tried to stand up for my religion. But I think now you are away, you can take time to prepare some thoughts, so when this happens the next time, you will prepared. And you can say the things that are in your heart, and you can do it with composure. I think you are amazing for being able to sit through all of that and still find the silver lining. It is strange how things of that nature can be such testimony builders. Good luck!
Wow, Christa. That sounds like it was really difficult. I can't even imagine. I am at a complete loss of what to say, but I think you are amazing and strong, and I am sure you will know what to say when the time is right.
I have also noticed what you talked about re: people being pro-diversity and being totally accepting, etc., but when it comes to the "mormons" and our beliefs, suddenly that seems to slide out the door. Very ironic. There are great people, everywhere, despite beliefs. It's unfortunate that there is so much that is ugly that is said over religion.
You have the ability to say what needs to be said, that having been said, I am proud of you for waiting because that is one thing you do not want to do unless you feel prompted. It would be like stickin' your head into a hornets nest expectin' a welcome mat. Besides, next time just say all of you can go to _ _ _ _ , don't mess with me I'm takin' the Hinckley Challenge!!!! Keep a smile on your face, you deserve it!!
WOW!! That is crazy! I go to the good old BYU, so nothing of that sort ever happens to me...hence no advice. I know you will be able to express yourself if that is what you desire. You are a much stronger person than I am! Good luck tonight! By the way, does your brother-in-law go to BYU/work in the library? I keep seeing this guy that looks VERY similar to him...
WOW! I feel you pain, literally! Having grown up in Wisconsin I was the minority. I lost friends because their parents didn't want them around "The Mormon Girl." There will always be opposition when it comes to our beliefs.
Just be nice. Do exactly what you did. It's no use getting into debate with people because it'll only get worse, I know this too well. Although, if and when you do feel prompted, speak up, the spirit will be there and you will speak the words our Heavenly Father wants His children to hear. You're an amazing person----even with your beliefs----because those make you who you are!
I always like to think life wouldn't be any fun with out opposition. It may not be fun at the time but it is wonderful when we are on the other side looking at what we have become. Stand strong sista! By the way.....maybe they should be let in on a secret....LDS members will NEVER be a minority in Utah, due to the birthrate being the highest in pretty much any state, and BYU, and Salt Lake being the headquarters.....and need I go on?
If they have not figured that out yet, what are they doing in school? Tee heee heee heee heee hee!
I hope the situation is getting better; I had a friend and colleague at work who's a music professor at Westminster (Dr. Quinn), and he often complained to me of that very thing --that there was a lot of friction and very bad feelings between the non-mormon kids and mormon kids at Westminster.
I work almost exclusively with non-mormons as a musician in other churches, so I know exactly how you feel. It's very upsetting at times. But I can promise you that it does get easier with time. Once in General Conference, an apostle made the comment to "let them know your a member of the Church from the start". I've found this to be extremely good counsel. Whenever you can, find a low-key way to let people know you're LDS as soon as possible, and then a lot of those awkward situations are simply avoided.
Otherwise, though it's hard, sometimes I've really had to stand up for myself, and people ended up respecting me a lot, and they softened their hearts.
Your efforts at friendliness do make a difference, don't ever think that they don't. Remember that the people who criticize are almost always feeling insecure themselves in some way, insecure living in Utah....though they may not admit it. Learning to deal with this is a skill that is developed over a number of years; so be patient with yourself on that. Hope that helps a little bit.
I wish you the best!!
Christa my love, you are going through some of the hardest things a true believer has to suffer. Having had to read for fourteen years now so much of what anti-Mormons say about us--for our FARMS Review publication, I am constantly amazed at the virulent hate we engender when what we preach is love and tolerance. What will probably happen if you are brave enough to stand up and say that you, apparently unlike your teacher, are a true card-carrying Mormon, is that the whole rhetoric will go away since they know you, and anyone that knows you can't help liking you. It might even make some of them ashamed at joining in on a tirade that perhaps they don't actually fully believe in. But, like many a crowd mentality, they join in with. When I am home with my mother, and mutual friends visit, I often find her "excusing" my seemingly weird behavior--no tea or coffee as my diet for instance. It is hard to realize that after all these years, my family still do not accept or even understand, despite their own religiosity. But, Christa, you soar with eagles.
Christa!
I am so sorry, that would be so hard! I hope school is going ok though. I'm glad I found you! I will have to add you to my list if that is okay. I hope married life is treating you well!
Kylie
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